Disgruntled Furniture

2006-01-12T18:18:00.000+08:00

thinking of going back to studying. MBA or some professional certification. somethings to ponder upon for future. many people in office quitting smoking - good stuff. i cant - no bother, maybe do that one day. sigh ... after office hours already. go home continue some paper work. go out for dinner. watch dvd or go hunting ewoks with housemate on his xbox. was at one utama, banyak sale. many people. decorations from xmas still up. chinese new year songs already blasting away. hope this year we wont face a bad recession, and definately not a financial crisis. that would be bad for many. property prices are slowly dropping, seening that in new papers and some online reports. downloaded a presentation on this years financials, there was one part that was scary was when the presenter said, the ordinary worker should have 18 months in savings in the event he/she is retired this year. as it would be hard to find a job in the coming years. now thats worrying.

my brother will be coming home soon. cant wait to see him. cny - reunion dinners. see family members. the usual thing. wont stay too long in pg. mostly come back to office to do more paper work. found a nice quiet coffee shop like place in uptown - old school coffee cups and toast bread. not too pricy so i guess its alright. cutting cost now. saving for tough times. when i came back from my 2 weeks leave, found xmas cards and small gifts ... damn nice of them to do so. dang, didnt get them anything. buy the smokers ciggys and the non-smokers coffee/tea. hehe ... a good colleagues is leaving us soon. very sad. very hardworking dude - but good on him as he found a new job with a great consulting firm. thumbs up! a man who takes his work seriously and sure knows how to draw the line on things in life. for a 23 year old - my hats off to him! RT best of luck in your new career move.
felt bad after xmas i didnt pick up AS or KV phone calls. was busy with work. and a short holiday in langkawi to rest and relax. just talked to AS over msn. best of buddies. wonder what KV is up to ...will call him to see what he up to on cny. cutting down drinking is one of the things i want to do this year. try to eh... so that be about it. works work. cut out as much stress and problems.

Cheers!

2006-01-05T03:37:00.000+08:00

goodbye 2005 - hellooo 2006 ...
christmas in penang was interesting and new years in KL was sloshed.
the year '05 was interesting, new job which took up all of my time. something which i needed and made things great! its true its our choice to learn from our mistakes in life and move on. still learning and still moving on ... no excuses for our actions ...
penang friends are very few, but are very good friends. too bad i talk to them or are only able to see them once a year. but its all good. its better to be in contact and be able to see them once a year than none at all. those who have come and gone - well i have spoken my peace and made my apologies. no ones perfect - everyone makes mistakes. forgive and forget... we should not make excuses for ourselves in life by blaming others. change begins with us.
anyway when i was in penang, i went to glo with a colleague on the day before xmas eve. i saw something very odd, it actually made me laugh inside. as pretty as a play is all i can say. is penang always going to be this way? i wonder ... hush hush hush ... we wouldnt want to break this house of cards would we ... but learning from past mistakes, silence is the best solution.
so whats installed for 2006? make more money and try to make less mistakes. dont put hope and help people blindly. people end up misinterpreting your motives and start blaming you for the things you have done. and in the long run blame you for their daily demise and low self esteem. and how i hate people blaming others for their pathetic bar room banter lives. its the same shit stories and bantering every single year. its over and done with, the stories of good and bad will have to come to an end. we grow older and we learn new valuable knowledge. we shouldnt harp on the past and blame others for it. reality bites, we should suck it up and swallow it. everyone wants respect. but you got to earn it and be a person who deserves it. i know now material wealth does not give you the right to have respect. what a big mistake - learn from it and be better.

anyway its too late at night now for all this morale speach ... i wish everyone the best for 2006 and many years to come ... no regrets no more bantering no more excuses ... we decide for ourselves and we take the first step ...

2005-10-22T20:41:00.000+08:00

we never truly understood anything to begin with
we make rules, live & break them and derive a conclusion its living
its all an illusion
you grasp the concept of for a fraction of a second
it passed you too fast and you never caught it you never realised it you never remembered it
the importance of not knowing yourself is as simple as explaning the laws of evolution
we can figure it out
its the end of the year and i need to shut up

ZoukFest_Genting

2005-05-14T12:40:00.000+08:00

ZoukFest_Genting
Originally uploaded by trancemiszion.

From this day forth - I will be using my unreliabe-money-down-the-drain-RM1400-Samsung to take photos on my daily affairs. This if my first posting of a reasonable photo from ZoukFest '05 in Genting. Ta-da!

2005-02-10T15:17:00.000+08:00

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR! have a real COCK year!

anyway my street on the eve of CNY was like Beirut. Explosions and gun powder smoke, i was shouting MEDIC and RPG. that shows how bored i am here.

hanging out with all my cl0se friends. and i got to resolve some issues with the ones that matter alot. i feel like crap everytime shit like this happens. responsibility to make things right. some rather leave it be and hope it resolves themselves. but i think its better to make the effort to resolve these small issues before they blow up too big. im sorry to those i fucked things up with. wasnt my intention to do so. sorry.

and things that piss me off. the excuses of people not able to contact you to tell you appointment are off. in this time and age ... they cant even find a way to contact you. we have so many ways of contacting people but they cant be bothered to pick up the phone, email or sms ... sms with online servers. but NO! they cant do that. have people arrange their schedule for them and just fucking ignore their promises and appointments. then ... when you ask them, no apologies. they go like .. "i know you wouldnt accept my apology thats why i never apologize" ... like thats a whole lot of bullshit. if you aint bothered enough to apologize bcos of you think to highly of yourself and coulndt give a damn .. just say fucking so .. and dont make stupid promises and appointments. and apologies are the only thing you can do to make things up. YOU COULDNT BE TOO FUCKING BOTHERED COULD YOU!

on a more lighter note, i am a gambling addict! i know that now - cos i gambled last night and i couldnt stop. until i was too tired to play. thats why i guess i always avoid gambling on usual days. and never learn to play many card games. my way keeping myself off the cards and machines. so i guess i am in control of my bad habbits, in some weird way. new year resolution, to just stick to gambling once in every 3 years or more. go me!

my car has given up on me. i parked it at home in kl for days and didnt drive it. suddenly it drained itself out of break fluid. it was totally dry and had no breaks. so i couldnt drive it back to pigland. i was so sad. im starting to miss my civic putih. the mechanic was right, "your car really is dead". boo hooooo .... now i got reason to buy new car! hmm .. i still want the subaru forrestor, but i got my eye on a volvo s40. hmm ... what to buy .. what to buy ... cars i will not look into buying at this point in time ... BMW and Mercedes ... cos i cant afford it! that includes the AUDIs ... and local made cars! cos i nearly died on the highway bcos of that dreadful mini monster of a a kelisa ... damn wheel pop-ed right out of the shaft. fucking hell ... i had my nuts roll out the same time the wheel rolled off the side of the road as i watched it roll going at 90km/h. ... .there goes my nuts .. rolling rolling rolling ..

so thats abt all i can think of blogging abt. brain is still partly asleep from gambling last night. so gong xi fa chai ... or ... go ka be si a sor chai ... as i like to say it. everyone - HAVE A GREAT YEAR AHEAD! ...

2004-12-21T13:28:00.000+08:00

i was going through my years bloggings. and things really have changed. people have come and gone. people have shown their stupidity and true (muddy) colors. and yet as the year comes to an end, they still portray their selfish malignant atrocious attitude. have you all no shame or disgust when you look in the mirror knowing who you are? lies, putting on shows and all that shit ... dont you feel sick. arent you interested in making something better of yourself?

okies .. the above paragraph i wrote i think a week ago. so it does sound alittle attrocious and crude. anyways, the recent updates in my life. in a nutshell, still single, lost in buying my subaru forrester by a day, getting threatened to be sued bcos of some defamation thinggy without grounds, and xmas passed like any other day. read some blogs ... feeling okay. moving back to kl sooner than i can say "hurray!" ... bored.

getting my ass whooped in snooker by jason. nothing new there. smoking way too much. i think im getting lung problems. hopefully aint nothing ... just a lung inflamation. not much appetite. drinking lots of fluids. too much beer! ... now more water. speaking in weirdly cos my sentences are broken up into many parts. weird ... too much beer .. not enuff sleep. thats for sure. blogging from jasons laptop. bought my pop's cheese cake yesterday cos i know he loves that shit. and i cant consume too much sugar .. but i do have sugar cravings once in a while. everythings going top-see-tur-bee ... sigh ... the new job is coming along ... im scared of taking up this challenge at times. im worried i wont have much time for myself. scared. the question im asking myself "you ready for it? ready to give the rest up?" ... i dont have an answer. that scares the shits out of me. no one really understands. they all say you can balance it all out and etc ... but to those who are already in it ... its different .. .they know the price .. and they tell me ... and im scared.

anyways, went to pesta pulau pinang. was interesting. great matter of fact. maybe its bcos of the company with me. won some stuff at the fair. 2 bears, and em party noise maker thinggys. and for that couple of hours .. i was me again. i wasnt even thinking about work. and it is said i was really smiling way alot. too much i guess. i do miss all of that. and its things like these that make me worry about moving on with this career change. .sigh ... what am i to do?

missing alot of things in life. missing alot of people. missing myself ...

2004-11-22T01:19:00.000+08:00

finally the true colors have been shown. and they dont even know it! hahaahah .... what to do ... they just wont grow up. i got this smirk on my face .... BOO YAH!!!!

2004-11-18T00:38:00.000+08:00

much has happened since my last blog entry. Bush has been re-elected again, Arafat is dead, Colin Powell has resigned and i have seen many things changing around me. so whats new? nothing much. hopefully i get the new job, if i can pass an interview with A.W. if not ... continue with the same company eh.

past week have been doing a lot of paper work with a fren. just busy busy busy looking through tenders and contract stuff. tiring ... but FUN! i like all this constructive work stress. at least i know im learning new stuff in a new area which i have not been able to work in. hurrah! i got something to do for the next couple of months.

saw a place in kl thats really cool. lots of room and its 3/4 furnished for a whoooping price of rm1200! what a steal! and my brother got himself some phatties ... according to him .. it means rave pants ... i assume must 'em huge pants with neon strips on it ... gotta be cool.

zouks - the loft is the bomb. really portrays a loft. the night i went was cool cos they were playing all sorts of euro-pop, punk, alternative and old stuff. really trippy.. loved it. met a few buddies from the old work place there. nice to catch up with the ex-colleagues at times. sharing old times abt bad ass bosses and all that. but never ask them to meet up the next following days cos they would all be to drunk as hell to remember. just swap numbers, and if you really want to meet up then call them.

looking at the calender ...new years is racing towards us. hmmm ... where should i spend my new years eve. last year was a waste. was in my hotel watching fireworks and guzzling "contreau + actifad + sprite = nasty shit" ... depressing as hell i was ... so i do not wish to go through it alone again. i will go hang out with my real friends this time round! hurrah! ... party party party ... hmm ... drink drink drink ... wonder if my brother will be back ... which i doubt ...

soon i will be writting my to do list and want list for christmas .. mostly going to be ridiculous .. but who cares. ... (must remind myself to do my claims for new years purpose)...

2004-10-25T02:35:00.000+08:00

I was lost one week ago. It was my darkest hour. I realised many things over the past week, and I know everything is going to be fine. Many problems and many losses. But I chose to allow it to happen. And now Im allowing myself to take charge of this situation Im in. No more feeling hopeless and ill feelings towards others. Its too much a burden to bear. Read my other blog.

There are those who go around bad mouthing others and lying. I was one of those people! Not anymore. It did more harm than anything else. I made my fair share of mistakes and I have to live with it and pay my dues now. But there are those who dont realise it and do it out of habbit. I pity them so much. They keep on making the same mistakes. When are they going to grow up? They seem to be a joke to me sometimes. But I shouldnt laugh at them. They need time and a chance to grow up and realise that life is so much of a bigger picture than what they think it is all about. I have to give others a chance to do as I want others to give me a chance to do so. People sometimes come up to me and ask why they keep fucking up in the things they did. I couldnt even understand why I myself kept fucking up. I understand and I can make a difference towards myself now.

The truth and consequences of things will always come up sooner or later. How long can a person lie? How long can you be somebody else? How long can you hide your true self? The burden is too heavy. That I know now. Do you want to lie to yourself till you believe it? I dont think its worth it at all. Im coming to terms with myself. And I hope my friends out there and others around me would give me the chance to be a better person as I will give them a chance as well without thinking twice.

Life isnt that bad - Its how you make it out to be ...

2004-10-15T02:24:00.000+08:00

i have forgotten him. i am not who i am or where i am today without him. and in my darkest hour of need .. i felt lost. and someone told me about "footprints in the sand". now i remember. there will be those who will not understand and laugh. but in their hour of need and loneliness they will realise. as i have.

i have planned, worked hard and pushed my way through in my life. i thought of myself highly. and i thought i am where i am all because of me. how wrong i am in thinking so. i have hurt many along the way in getting where i am today. and it was wrong of me.

my body my energy has burnt out. and i have no one else to blame but myself. i have no faith nor trust in others. i have become alone. im broken and lonely. but i realised a while ago, im not. i came into this world alone and i shall leave alone. but he is always there.

people always take everything for granted. they will realise when the time comes. but we will forget along the way but realise it when we are back in that box all alone. sleep a sleepless night. dream a dreamless mind. and cry tears of emptiness and sorrow when we truly see ourselves. we then ask for forgiveness and try to get back as much faith that we have forsaken along the way.

we have forgotten faith. we have forgotten who we are. we have forgotten trust. we have forgotten love. we have forgotten mercy. we have forgotten the meaning of laughter. we have forgotten the purpose. we have forgotten the gift of choice. we have lost our way. we have forsaken everything.

2004-10-14T23:19:00.000+08:00

"Sawadee-Ka/Kap! This is about my last holiday with my friends. "

Destination: Kophangan, Thailand!Location: somewhere on the east coast of Thailand ...Duration: 25th September - 1st October 2004Highlights: Full Moon Party!!!

Day 1.(Saturday.25/9/04)
was drinking the night before at chill-out. drank too much. woke up throwing up beer and bile. what a way to start the journey huh! holy shit i cant remember how i got to the ferry... hold on .. oh yeah mels dad dropped us off at the ferry terminal. yes we were taking the scenic route to and from kohphangan(kpgn). i started out by buying a 555 notebook to write my expenditure and travel log... as expected i stoped on the day itself after 3 hours on the train. yes there is a train ride involved. so met jerry and ee lee at the terminal .. everyones backpack just looked weird in my opinion .. i had that imagination of a real backpacker look. the 60litre backpacks and the slippers and cap etc.... but we just looked as if we were overaged people trying to run away from home. then remembered forgot to bring sunglasses, fucking memory was failing me. jumped on the ferry - my stomach was just raw and fucked. had to eat something ... ate a redbean bun. wrote that in my new nifty 555 booklet. and the 2 packs of ciggies that i bought. on the ferry it was like .... "The journey now begins ... four travellers on their way ..." somehow the Superman theme is playing in my head now .. while its supposed to be like LOTR. Fuck.
Got on the Train at 2.30pm. HURRAH! no more waitting. very very nice seats .. cool airconditioning. what more could you ask for .. ahhhhhh and a sigh of relief from the hot weather ... then my stomach started its journey as well to the world of Samsung WashingMachines. You guessed as much as what happened. Im avoiding the graphic detail of beer and food poisoning. At least my friends still asked how i was doing. EeLee was asking me to take some pills she had ... and i was sceptical that travelling nausea pills would work on a beer poisoned stomach. but .. as fate had it .. my trusty mother had stuffer Imodium in my pouch the night before (which i bet she saw the ciggys, sure pissed off). the label said in my beautiful interpration "for the moron who got beer poisoned and is now hurling and ass pissing and cant go anywhere for the next 10hours on this train" -- little did i know what Imodium was for .. but i consumed it anyway. it said 1 every 4 hours ... i got smart .. MUAHAHA! i took 2 every 2 hours ... back to the train ride .. hours have passed .. and we be playing cards ...i was owing 200+baht to nearly everyone. i suck at cards .... so dont cheat my money on CNY please. the hours and movement of the train was taking its toll on me ... and that washingmachine stomach wasnt helping much either. nearly the whole trip was .. in toilet - out toilet - in toilet - out toilet ... it was fucked up ... 10 hours and 30 mins later .. we reached our station - SURATHANI! we were in THAILAND! ... whoooo hooooo .... "made in thailand .. la la la ... "
we had to take a ferry ride to kophangan the next morning .. so we checked into a motel. btw .. we met some nice people on the train. a caucasian lady, elderly, who lives in bangkok. and 2 other elderly ladies who were going to Koh Samui. in my opinion they acted like lesbian partners. but it didnt bother me ... cos they werent hot. anywhos - got a good nights sleep. zzzzz

Day 2.(Sunday.26/9/04)
To the another ferry terminal my fellow backpackers! but of cos before that we had to take a tutt-tutt to take a bus that will take us to the terminal. fuckers ... the tutt took us 15mins ... and the bus ride took us an hour. i dont know why i always get the happy feeling when im getting on a ferry. you see the sea and you get all excited. "im going to ride a ferry ..." how dumbass can i shound eh .. like a real sua-pa-kau... eventhough ive done it a thousand times. anyways the ferry ride is like 2hours and 30mins. we all grabbed a table at the back of the ferry. how stupid is that ... when the table and the chairs are all soldered to the ferry floor. anyways ... we roasted on that ride for a couple of hours. there wasnt any air flow at the back of the ferry. so as usual .. btw .. my stomach was nearly back to normal but i had busted up my shoulder badly holding on to the train handles.... where was i ... restless and bored we started roaming the ferry to look for things to do or see. the canteen operator had a baby poodle on board .. that was entertainment ... thai tv wasnt entertaining ... sleeping was impossible ... we were restless. i couldnt drink beer for fear of the washingmachine. but ofcos jerry and mel were drinking already .. i was being tortured. i wanted to drink so badly ... all i wanted was some Singha beer... oh! the pain of watching the liquid gold finish right infront of your eyes ... btw ..im not an alchoholic, it was forbidden fruit i know always tasted better ... hmmm ...
got ourselves a taxi driver to drive us to our chalets. he was taking the ferry as well. his name is "A". thats what he said. i guess he knew we would have worn out his name trying to say it by the time we reach the chalet. so "A" it was. we hopped into his pick-up truck cum taxi in the ferry and drove off through the town of Tong Sala. I think thats how they spelt it. Got some toiletries and more Imodium in town before heading to the chalets. I still did not know the purpose of Imodium and was still consuming 2 at a time in a span of a couple of hours. Reached "MY PHANGAN" chalets! checked in ... got into our chalets and came out all excited to meet other people. but there wasnt any around cos we are the only ones checked in. but the chalets owner assured us that the chalets are all fully booked. and many will come from all over the world and stay in them.... now feeling all better .. i became ... the SINGHA BEER WARRIOR! to make up for lost beer ... i ordered my first bottle .. 50baht... fucking cheap aint it ... glug glug glug ... one after another ... okay okay it was only 2 bottles. like the holiday makers we are we started walking around the chalets and beach front .. as if securing the parameter. all is safe and the sand is rough and the water murky... ** okay truthfully now is the part i cant really remember the sequence of events. but i will write them as i remembered.
** when A dropped us off ... i asked him to clarify the myth about shroom in kophangan .. and he cleared it right up by giving me his number if i wanted any. tip on travelling, if you out to score some shit in ASIA ask a taxi driver ... em cabbies always got it hooked up...
me and jerry were chilling by the beach and noticed the water clarity. poor eelee all ready to jump into the sea was dissapointed when she took a look for herself. but as the warrior we are ... just like the numbskull urukhais we treaded through the rough sands of the beach and into the water ... expecting it to be waist deep .... it was only knee deep ... there was a sand bank abt 20m from the beach which we threaded .... after the sand bank the waters were much much much cleaner ... i forgot what we did after that ... i know we went back to get ready for dinner ... and i cant remember ... shits ... sorry readers ...
** note: i am filling in the parts which i remember in an ad hoc manner. I got a masseur to come over and fix my shoulder. for 250 baht an hour ... my arm was back in action! you go old masseur dude like he was tripping on acid...
all i know is i spent the night drinking then going to sleep. and the mozzies were feasting themselves on eelee and jerry ... thank god for mopiko and antimosquito spray they survived the nights.

Day3.(Monday.27/9/04)
still no one checked in to the other chalets .. we woke up late and just chilled on the chill-out deck of the chalet eating area watching tv and drinking beer. we did that for many hours.... way too many hours ... we did that til dinner time ... fuck ... i dont believe i wasted so much time just lazing around drinking beer and watching tv...
dinner time! we took a taxi to HAAD RIN! thats where the full moon party was to be. it was a most memorable journey there. the roads were like rollercoaster rides in some rundown theme park... and the pickup truck cum taxis there made the ride even more exciting. i was like hanging on for dear life. it is the most memorable ride of my life there. got to the street of haad rin .. and there were tourist from all over the world walking around there. there restaurants and clothing shops and trinklet shops everywhere .. cybercafes and PS2 shops everywhere. and it seemed like we were the only chinese tourist there ... hmm ... so we were hungry and we went to a restaurant and picked the most authentic thai dish available on the menu. Green Curry, Tom Yam Kung .. etc .. i cant remember .. bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep blee ... then we went to buy tickets for a muay thai match! hurrah! i get to watch a real match/s. so we jumped on the taxi and went to a make shift ring .. the kids came out to fight first .. very fast and agile .. then older and older guys came out .... then there was blood gushing out of the eyebrow, mouth ... nose ... WHOOO HOO! now thats a fight! the show ended at 2am ... what a fight ... went back to chalet ... and the fridge was locked ... NO BEER! we were fucked! ... forced ourselves to sleep ... i felt like an orphan that was sent to bed without supper ... booo hooooo .....
in the afternoon, decided to go on a boat ride on thursday. a thai lady named NANA came to talk to us about it. should have known not to trust a person with a name like that. you will know why later ... oh yeah she was gonna get us shrooms ....
Finally a couple came in. Jonah and Jonas from San Francisco. very friendly. chatted and started them on beer in the afternoon and asked them if they wanted in for the shrooms .. nasty eh ... so as usual all tourist do the same thing ... they went to the sea hoping to take a swim ... but were adventurous enough to join us as we threaded in the water to pass the sand bank for clearer waters ... found some dead sea cucumbers and mel tried to jack em off .. didnt work ... it was spewing water instead ...
** hold it ... i got my dates and days and events all mixed up ... i got to rethink it over again ... shit ....

Day4.(Tuesday.28/9/04)
FULL MOON PARTY!!! So we wake up as usual and start drinking beer again ... whats new ... seems boring to the readers .. but i guess it was just happening to just to be able to drink beer in a beach resort and not think about work and no one can call your cellphone. Anyways we got another couple checking in, the guy from Melbourne and the girl was from Sweden. Anyways there were in for the shrooms as well. So just chatted and all ... all excited about the night to come. Drink beer .. drink beer ... drink beer ... eat ... drink beer ...
Shrooms have arrived! Shakes and omelette ... whatever suits your fancy. Anyways we got conned. Didnt feel jack shit. But we were partyly high from all the beer drinking the whole day. When we reached the beach .. ze'americans scored some ill shit to toke up. and it was off to the hard trance and techno clubs. the bass was pumping like no tomorrow. people were drunk and high just doing what they do best in that state of conciousness. there was a couple making out in the sea ... but 10 feet away on the beach ... a group of people were taking a piss into the sea .. and the couple didnt seemed bothered. hmmm ... whats up with that. went back partying and drinking .. it was totally insane ... club and bar hopping the whole night. thats about whatever i remember till this point in time. returned to the chalets at 5am plus... we got there at 10pm. we got too tired and had to return ...

Day5.(Wednesday.29/9/04)
hammered .. woke up at around 2 and was feeling like normal .... no hangover or any of that. was just normal ... continued to drink beer again. the couples were all still feeling the effects of the previous night. they think we are crazy to drink so much. time was a wasting ... we spent the whole day just lazing around doing nothing. went out for dinner .. i think we did that ...
hold it .. we did go back to haad rin and went to buy some trinklets ... i think ...

Day6.(Thursday.30/9/04)
woke up as usual drinking and went for a boat trip to some waterfall and a snokling place. we were conned big time. anyways i was too stoned to realise anything. me and the american and his ill tokes. came back and chilled out at the chalets. came back to haad rin again ... ronda ronda ... and spent hours looking at the moon ... thinking about stuff ... going home the next day ... sigh .... was quite depressed. sigh ... you know the feeling of having to leave a dream world. a concept which is not real .. no holiday lasts forever .. boo fucking hoo ...
Final Day.Woke up and just lazed around doing nothing. chatting with other people there. the americans left the day before. the melbouner and swede was leaving today as well. sigh .. checked out and got on to the ferry and reached surathani in the middle of the night. bloody train ride was at 1.30am ... too much time to waste ... so we killed time by walking around 24 hour conveniece stores. and just sat around the train station till it was time to board.
train ride too they usual hours back ... went through customs. reached butterworth and we went our ways and went home to catch up on lost sleep. i know that i will go back there again .. the next time i plan to go in December ... the locals said it is the best time to go as it will be in full force. that is what i wanna feel ... i miss looking at the moon ... shining down on me as if it was a flood light far away .... so quiet ... so peaceful ... just you and the black sky with a light in the middle of it all ... sharing that with someone else would be nice ... someday ...

2004-10-06T02:32:00.000+08:00

as you all can see my last posting has been taken down ... it was uncalled for. i apologize for all the shit i wrote that was to offend mel and ee lee. sorry guys. im trying to salvage whatever friendship is left here. there has been some shit that has been going down for some months now. lots of sarcastic remarks and all among the group. sarcasm hurts people and we dont realise it. i was sarcastic and i didnt know how much it would affect my friends. i fucked up and should have realised it sooner. and not be daft towards the situation. i made my mistakes and i dragged it on for a little too long without knowing it .. and when i felt the underlying tension .. i didnt do jack shit to resolve it or to find out. why? its bcos of my ego or maybe i thought it would just fade away as it was a passing phase. didnt expect it to blow up till this level. i always say "tell it in my face if you got anything to say ..." i should have asked my friends whats with the underlying tension. and mostly this would have never have happened.

i mean i have a great group of best friends. not a big group - but the best i have known for all these years. i guess the biggest lesson i have learnt is not to take the groups best of times for granted. and remember that everyone is an individual who have their good times and bad times. i miss the group. i miss just sitting down and having a cup of joe and just being us.

things do change. people change. for good or bad. but guess what. like i said to one of my best friends, thats why you have best friends.

"you may get too egoistic for your own good, but you got best friends to wake you up"
"you may be down and out, but you got best friends who will always have your back"
"you may be out of line, but you got best friends to keep you in check"
"you may be on top of the world, and you know you got your best friends to thank"

the year is coming to an end in a couple of months. and i wish to spend it with my buddies. not drunk in a ditch at a back of a bar ... okay ... mostly drunk out of my mind with my buddies throwing up next to me ... that would be just fine for me ... just as we were, just being us. Sorry again guys ... didnt mean to fuck up that much.

2004-09-24T00:36:00.000+08:00

shhhhh .... do you hear it?
the silence accompanying the loneliness
soft winds of the night carrying this depression
you heart is beating slowly
its being crushed
you know its coming but you cant do anything about it
its only you
you beg God to make it stop - the hurt
then you beg God to make your heart stop
you realise its not going to happen
silly thoughts go through your head
you cant resist the thoughts of being dead
shhhh .... do you hear it?
its your blood dripping out of your veins ....

2004-09-24T00:31:00.000+08:00

im walking alone
it starts to drizzle
it starts to rain
i start to cry
people are just running for cover
they see me but not my tears
the rains cloaking it
they smile
i smile
im still walking alone
its still raining

2004-09-22T10:07:00.000+08:00

its been a long time since i blogged... sigh ... nothing much in life has changed. only the part of me trying to move on to greener pastures. i cant live in penang anymore cos im getting boring and its not helping my career. the job i want is unattainable at this point in time bcos of some bullshit politics int he company... life is such a bitch... all the timing and planning for my career seems bleek.

anyways seems like i didnt blog much about melbourne since i came back. this is melbourne in a nutshell for me:

1. food ... dining ...
2. cold ... wind blows ... im freezing ...
3. dumbass relatives ... especially the nigger lipped nephew ...
4. expensive stuff ... hardly any shopping ...
5. clubbing .... 'e'nough ...

so thats about what went on in melbourne for me....

personal life is still the same. always looking for that place "over the rainbow" ... when will it all fine for me ...

** full moon party in a couple of days more ... muahaha ....

2004-08-08T03:39:00.000+08:00

My baby takes the morning train,

she works from nine till five and then

She takes another home again to find me waitin' for her

note that i have changed the he to her and he to she ...

to show that im not gay ...

2004-08-08T03:15:00.000+08:00

"REVIEWS ON RECENT RESTAURANT EXPERIENCES..."

i have recently gone to a few makan places in this island. and have has many bad experiences which i would like to share with you all. this is my review of these places .. and i am having a mental block in writting .. all i can think of is that fucking Sheena Easton song ... which i will post up later ... or maybe after this ..

Tempat Makan #1 : Fusion
Type of buffet: Supposedly Mediterranean and Japanese ...
Food served: Sashimi, lamb, char koay kak, pastries, fish, shark fin soup ... etc ....
Comments and Bullshit:
first of all when i walked in .. i was wondering how the fuck they can serve medi and jap together. its like ... WTF! ... and i looked up to see the signboard ... no wonder they call it Fusion. then i walked around the counter and to my amazement - i found that i had lost all my apetite. the people serving behind the counter looked as bad as the food. then i ventured to the jap section ... sashimi looked fresh .. and the wasabi looked like the moss i found under my old hiking boots. it was a sign i choose to ignore. the pastries didnt look medi nor jap .. they looked like something that came out of Jim's Resthouse in Melaka. imagine cream puffs and cakes and that fucking pudding you get of a box ... called Byrds custard ... or some shit like that. they got people working there like they were running TGIF in BU ... but it seems like they are all blinded by the char koay kak guys smoke ... fuckers cant see you waving to them. bet you thats why they playing em ... smoke gets in your eyes song ... oh and opened a bottle of wine .. which tasted like apple cider vinegar ... it had nothign to it ... worse shit ive drank ... and the fucko gave me the cork to smell .. like huh? and do yo uexpect me to smell anything if that fucko goes on frying like his life deepended on it .. i mean no ones ordering that shit ... but he just keeps on dishing it out ... the coffee in the pot is expected to be shit ... as it is .. the pastries were as pallateble as they looked. and the wasabi ... it had no taste nor effect of burning your cranium out if you had to much. so over all the meal was crap. and by the way it was 3 morons eating there. just had to try some place new ..

Damage Taken +2 to Mana ... RM38
Wine Sauvingon Blanc .. RM120 .. which i think is actually worth RM12 + a small bottle of Sahip

2004-08-05T01:16:00.000+08:00

just read the last posting on caps blog. the part written by Matt Brochu is just so true. i wish i wasnt going through what i am going through now and i could do what he wrote about. i cant. and it sucks to be me now. its so easy to write what you are feeling and not be able to just say it out. and you got to make it look as if its a joke. and you got to do that stupid jig with everyone else so she doesnt catch on. you want her to but you cant. and the most fucked up part is the attached part and she is so head over heels abt the guy. and based on what she says ... he sounds like a dick... sigh ... face it many out there have joined me in that section. we can start a brothers in arms shit. so face the facts now, 99% of us arent going to send that Matt Brochu write up to that special woman - because we figure that it would be better to remain friends. So suck it up and carry on. Unless you are going to be relocating somewhere far far fucking fuck fuck far away .. you get that "what the heck! just say it and get over and done with it ..." this is what we learn and pick up from movies .. those sob sob fucking sob movies. but its true.

"i watched you from across the street
my view of you blocked by traffic at times
im nervous to go over and speak
i make excuses for myself not to meet

now that we are friends, we speak
speak of troubles and life
i fall deeper into you, in a craze
im digging you like a grave

i plan to tell you the content of my heart
each time im with you i dont have the nerve to start
so where do i go, what should i do
weighing pros and cons of my actions

i know soon enough i will have to decide
i know soon enough is you'll be by my side
i know me, i know im just too afraid
i dont want to regret the things i have said

but as for now we are friends
we speak of dreams and fate
i should tell myself that im contented to just be there to see you smile
ill just wait on time and hope i can decide before its too late"

2004-08-03T04:01:00.000+08:00

its august 3rd ... its me ma's birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUM! ... but of cos if she actually read this blog and the other ... she would go ballistic. and then comes the nagging part. i dont know what the fuck my plans are next year. already worrying about it. my boss is talking about resigning from the firm. and i think im going to be dumped with his shit. starting to worry. maybe astro would be a good change, i think. cousins pushing me to join him. thinking hard and long about this.

"i woke up one morning not knowing who i am
i dont remember me i dont remember yesterday
im lost in search of my identity
i gave up, went back to sleep cos i was too sleepy..."

"i was rowing my boat to shore one evening
and a little fish came up to me and said he wanted a smoke
i lit up a ciggaret and passed it to fish
god damn! that was some ill shit..."

"christmas morning i ran down to the tree
to see what was there for me
it was wrapped in white paper and had blue text
when i opened it up it was uncle sam asking me to pay my tax..."

comes to show how bored in penang i am .. everyones got poetry going on... i think i should put mine up too ...

2004-07-29T15:34:00.000+08:00

its been a few weeks since i have written jack shit. why? cos i been to busy entertaining the other blog i have. too many taggers coming in and out. fuck them and jimminy-cricket opinions. anyways .. this blog is about my drama days. right off the top of my head to whatever comes next.

My trip to Taiping recently has made me realise how poor i am. I have seen people living in wooden houses driving Mercedes S320, Volvo XC90, Volvo S60 and so forth... their house aint worth the same value as their wheels. damn it i should submit this shit to MTV Cribs. See if they make head or tails on this one.

Siau Lee is giving me shit again. HEY! WHATS FUCKING NEW? anyways at this very point in time while i blog - he is strutting around getting pissed off at everything. hoping that i would argue with him or some shit. fuck you you .. i aint that stupiak. its called ZEN ... have to practice that shit ... ZEN is the way to go ... that goes for you to Biu. dont go doing the "IM PSYCHO AND IM GONNA RIP YOUR HEART OUT AND EAT IT!!!" thats not cool ... it aint gonna get your chics! anyway .. cool is not what i am into my friends of the forest ... it is ZENNNnnnnn....
p.s. siau lee bought new cellphone for himself and mum. trying to be cool and all i guess ...

Just got off the cell with super hot ... her bus from kl to singapore .. the tyre blew ... so sad ... its karma i tell you ...

my mum has been asking me to go to this pharmacy for a free health check. and i am never keen on going for this shite. so anyway i was conned into going for the check up. it started with me following siau lee to pick her up from work and go get some stuff. then my mother suddenly got smart and directed siau lee to the pharmacy in the pre-tex of asking something for herself. i went along dumb-assly! when we got there she started with her thing and nudged the pharmacist to give me a check up(basic one). the fucking pharmacy is ran by a 2 guys who look as if they been on heroin half their life, an old lady who dressess like she belongs on starcruise as a gambler, a girl who is lost in her own world(FOS). ask me is you dont know what FOS means. so as they went on getting my blood preassure (which was already boiling when i finally realised i had been had) then to my height and weight and some shit ass machine i had to hold up to meassure my heart beat rate. HOLY SHIT i remembered all that torutring BS! and then comes the tulan part. I got some mofo long john coming to tell me in my face the reading are saying this (his exact words: you are going to die young). im like fuck you you ... stop pissing down my back you wanker! then procedes to tell me im obese! that it is caused by my eating habbits. everything is my eating habbits. telling me my eating habbits as if he is the fucking coffee lady in the company i work for. accuses me of consuming too much sugar, too much meat, too much alchohol, too much ciggarettes, too much coffee. i agree with the last three accusations except the first few. fuck him! i consume coffee with a little bit of sugar or none at all. consumtion of meats? fucker i consume abit of meat and i rather eat greens and fruits and fish. who the fuck made him a pharmacist??? god damn christian teabagging each other. so comes to the real puspose of telling me im going to die young. of course .. how blind of me .. it isnt free consultation .. bcos they are forcing health supplements down your throat. "you got heart problem - take this fish oil. you got lung problem - take fish oil and omega 3, you are obese - take proteien powder derived from soya bean etc etc etc ..." fucking sales pitch of eastern europe. then comes his "ESTEEMED" colleague that comes out with a sweeping statement "all atheletes die young!" this is of cos after i told him i go to the gym. thus asking me to stop going to the gym. then i ask for a justification for that statement, here is his justification for a sweeping statement. "all sumo wrestlers die you" i said "they a fucking tub-0-lard" then he says"how about race car drivers - they also die young" then i say "what?" then he goes like "yes .. see most of them die in car accidents." thus he feels very smart ... fucking dumbass to the max....and they talk to you as if you are a fucking 14 year old child. fucking treating me like im some retard from some "speacial" school. fuck them ... SIM PHARMACY is a CON JOB!

and comes the part where it hurts alot. took me car to the mechanic. he got in the car to test drive it for troubleshooting purpose. he reverses the car out ... take a corner .. pulls over and looks at in the passenger seat and says ..."kau thiam sia lu beh sin eh chia. chi teng leh ... ai see liaw ..." wah lau eh ... have to change car ... my car is dying .. just like me .... ohhh the irony and agony ... someone help ... me and my car are going to die ... oh help ... i need somebodys help ..

so anyways ... me friend got into an accident. bad one .. he's all good ... except he dude on the scooter who hit him. T-Boned his Wira ... fucker took flight with his scooter over the Wira. Damn ... natas ... always doing that superman shiieetttteeee ... so anyways we dont know if he ticking or fuck fuck liaw ...

watched Joy Luck Club on Astro ... that movie is fucking DEPRESSING! thats a real tear jerker ... fucking hell ... there were some parts like when sh.... fuck ... i aint starting ... ill just end this one here .. i know capN Mel be pissed ... metrosexual mah ... masking your face .... hand lotion ... hahahaha .....

was online the other day and a someone ask me a weird question. this one KAPITAN MEL would be laughing his shit ass head off in the cyber cafe. and going like ..."WAAAAHHHH!!!!" ... nvm this one is for you ... no worries ... we were chatting and then she went like can i ask you something. and i knew it was time ... (fucking starwars music playing in my head) ..."why didnt we work out ..?" .... it was like WHAT THE FUCK! leave me alone ... and i went like i donno ... it was WAAAYYYYYYY too many years ago ... and i was stupiak ... leave me alone .... why wont it all go away .. i was in secondary school going to college then ... leave me alone ... pleaasseeeee ....

anyways, i know i have entertained capN mel .. and others ... so i be going to melbourne for a week or so ... just visiting and bros graduation ...

2004-07-16T02:41:00.000+08:00

i have started going to the gym again. why? bcos i need to look good for me up and coming holidays. what a reason eh. no worries ... capN mel is with me on this one. anyway things to hope for the next half of the year.

My Wishes ...

1. i want to get a pay raise. i think i should since company making money again.

2. for my cdr and dvdr deals go through. then i can stop asking people to donate in the "help clare buy an apartment fund!" which you all should since i havent cleared all the deals yet.

3. to maybe get a new job that puts me up to the second level mgmt line. maybe astro ... hmm ... pondering ...

4. have a kick ass birthday party when it comes. capN Mel is having his on langkawi island. which im planning for him. but should be a kick ass one. anyway mine i want to have a memorable one. not like the ones i had for the past 23 years. okies the first to the tenth birthday dont count. i wouldnt have remembered anyway.

5. find someone who understands me and is very much herself when she is with me. here are a sub-definition for me perfect woman. no more the use of girl, its too dangerous. okies ignore the perfect part - no ones perfect. just someone nice. everyone wants the best for themselves but reality of the matter .. we got to accept changes.
- must be truthfull.
- understanding, that equals out to give and take.
- must not be dumb blond!
- looks, i aint going to lie. please dont look like helga.
- must be able to drive. i sometimes get lazy.
- accept my "guy on couch" habbit that crops up at times.
- can be me clubbing mate as well.
- should be coffee addict at times.
- ability to handle ones self in fine dining restaurants.
- must be able to put up with me travellings for work.
- basically be comfortable with herself when with me.

man after typing all the requirements of new woman in me life. i feel depressed. im so bad at this relationship shit. why cant any of my relationships just end with a normal - it isnt going to work (without any issues attached to that line). then i can accept it. not all the BS i have to go through. fine i agree that bcos of all these bad relationships it has actually boosted my career to an all time high. but i need somethign more than that now. its time to find someone real. i want to really meet someone real. maybe i have met them but i dont see them or if i do see them they are all attached. another thing .. why are all nice people i know all attached. life sucks. aint getting a chance any time soon. and ...

and capN Mel watching a movie called "turn left turn right" isnt going to help you get attached. its a freaking fairytale. it took an earthquake for them to be together. not romantic. its like watching a bollywood film and watching the hero kill the bad guy by intercepting the bullet shot by the bad guy and turning around and using it to shoot the bad guy back. the basis is there - its just ridiculous. but of cos we need fantasy once in a while. like how lancelot dies in king arthur... pretty boy gets arrowed. kind of reminds me of the time me went archery with alcee at genting (gern-ting). fucking morons cant even say genting. ask me sg frens how to say fish in hokkien... its not a word! it sounds like you are going to hurl and sneeze at the same time. retard fucks.

essential movies as the guy on the couch, to last you the whole day:

1. the GodFather Pt 1,2,3
2. empire records
3. hot shots Pt 1,2
4. the Crow Pt 1 .. be good if you got 2 as well. forget 3 = sucks!
5. Saving Private Ryan.
6. Jackass Pt 1,2
7. Dead or Alive Pt 1 .. ignore 2
8. Battle Royal Pt 1 .. ignore 2
9. Jerry McGuire
10. Reality Bites

---------------------------------------------------------------------

so whoevers up there or in the north pole to that rabbit hole .. someone please answer my prayers abt the woman thinggy and the rest. im kind of tired and afraid abt this relationship thinggy. been hurt by it too many times that i dont know where to start. hold it ..this part belongs in my other blog ... shits .. anyway lazy to move it over... nothings easy in life, i know that. maybe just this once someone nice enough will make life a little easier on me. like i told sean ... "ive been through enough shit in life. i got Siau Lee pissing down me back everyday of my life .. i got pushed around in me relationships .. " what the fuck else can go wrong .. will go wrong ... i think .. but of cos i aint hoping for it .. ahhh .. lazy dee ... want to sleep ... breakfast with sean at 9am ... now thats early ..

2004-07-15T03:06:00.000+08:00

been in kl for a week. supposed to have been 3 days .. well what the heck ...like i care now a days - work sucks. and i havent been able to finish my room til now. no motivation. and the thought of moving back to kl is in my head...like why should i do up the room if i aint staying in it. shits .. confusion sucks.

my bro has graduated. GO BRO! i dont think he knows i have this blog up. so what did i do in kl .. well i was officially the guy on the couch at melors apt. what a bum... he will forverver remember me for asking him to change the vcd for me eventhough he wasnt watching ... haha ... dont tu lan lah ... been smoking too much mj at his place too .. finishing up me stock from last time. it doesnt make me high anymore, just sleepy. good in a way ..buts its illegal. so i rather go on valium or some shit like that. hmm ... business was alright. sorted out all the contract shit. work still remained the same. fuck .. i dont know where im headed to now. personal feelings .. well .. read the other blog.

i think i will get the room ready and bum in there til its time to move on. i miss being in the bum feeling. just sit home watch tv .. and play the games .. and go online and just lament on everything from the chair ... dreaming ...

2004-07-08T02:31:00.000+08:00

hola ... it is i .. the table and chair who is pissed off in a certain way or another. havent been bloging for a while. so whats new. been busy. with business of cos. so whats going on .. lets see .. im really no good in writing long shit now a days .. (yeah rite!) im a genius at doing that. lets start .. i rather point form.

1. cousin has asked me to join A S T R O. why? bcos he says he needs me to talk my way through to convince COO to adopt some telco plan as well as oversee some projects.
My current status on that: UNKNOWN - still sould searching.. hmm...

2. tub-o-lard kenny. has officially made himself the mr. know-it-all of penang. drove past a hindu alter at gurney and there was a "stray-dog" barking at passing cars. His exact words in english, "this dog only barks at cars. (note that dog is limping) and one day one car came and hit him while he was barking at the car infront that was passing by." thus feeling very proud of himself for knowing that USELESS bit of information. i heard of people gossiping abt people but about stray dogs? thats just too much.

3. biu-e-the-kid. has a blog. read his inputs. ANGEL THIS ANGEL THAT ANGEL THIS ANGEL THAT ... its as if he is dating her. he isnt! and he ahs the cheek to comment abt people lamenting abt their personal matters which resulted in spoiling his ANGELS farewell. she leaving for UK. hold it .. she was suppose to go back to UK weeks ago. but noooo...... she has had at least 3-5 farewells which she organised. when will she ever leave? i mean im not saying im happy she is leaving or anything - its just that 3-5 farewells is alittle too many. biu has also decided to stop smokign and drinking so he can save money to go to UK at the end of the year. (sounds familiar? cowboy baby ... with a six gun ... )

4. Jason has resigned from ISO and has now ventured into opening a restaurant in KL. Good luck to him in that new stage in his life! See you in kl .....

5. pui-pui ewok is ... read her blog .. dont ask me ...

6. capN Mel is scaring me. he loves his job! hahaah ... he wants prawns and crabs! ...hahahaah .... jokin nia ... dont like that mel ... take you to go facial and massage in kl ... hahahahah

7. i need to be more intouch with my musical side. mel is getting fedup of me shouting rammstein.

8. my-ex-gf i now know has been spreading rumours abt me. telling all our mutual friends that i am a psychopath and im stalking her. bad mouthing me to the max. while i sit down and watch her do all this. and what is my retaliasion to this blasphemy? i sit in a coffee joint and sip coffee with my friends and talk about business ventures and new watches to buy, nice apartment designs, new pets, cars and etc. .. especially nothing to do with her. children and grown ups will be seperated by these actions of stupidity. good luck to her.

9. Subject of complaint: Mother
she has asked me and suggested to me many weird things, also been doing weird things.
- asked me about going online and looking for a companion.
- asked me to go online and chat in chatrooms for a companion.
- was playing with the plastic gun i bought at the mamak stall.

go figure ...

10. food at FUSION is BULLSHIT! dont go there!

11. blah blah blah ... blah blah blah ....

2004-06-14T01:02:00.000+08:00

saw a classic car in pulau tikus the other day with bapak rocks! ..we were going to look at the mercedes fintail .. but was snatched away by the beauty of the hillman. many plans for that car when my business contracts have been signed... muahahaha ... lots of money .. have to call me cousin about business as well .. getting too stupid bcos of the alchohol... anyways ...congrats to miss. shihtzu on the new kereta... and congrats to ms.super hot on her new license... this is an advance congratulations - if she flunks i have to edit this post... what license you ask? its the SCUBA STEVE licence! she can officially jump into the sea with tanks of O2 and swim with the fishes .. that sounds wrong .. sorry lc .. didnt mean for it come out this way. so anyway .. i am planning the car shit now. its not big .. around the size of a peugeot 307 ..i guess. so bapak rocks! is plannign the colors and design of the seats and dashboard ... of cos its going to have the DVD player and the PS2 built in .. why? BCOS I CAN! hmm ... lets do a list ..

Things to be installed in the HillMan (if deal goes through):

1. 2.0L engine - japanese,maybe AccordVtech or Subaru or Evo..angan2x
2. powered windows - definately .. me too lazy
3. suicide doors - its that damn manson m.video .. i love it!@!@!
4. audio system - willing to spend 2G on it ... enuff lar ..
5. DVD system - LCD display .. ahhhh ....
6. PS2 system - LCD display .. ahhhh ....
7. Rims and absorbers - to inquire .. surprises surprises .. "eddy your fren with the rims and air absorbers ah ..."
8. sun roof - "got the sun in my eyes ..and i wont be surprised if its a dream .."
9. interior+seats - leather
10. windows - change to impact shatter glass ... yeah! safety first
11. brakes - putting a life saving unit in .. nothign fancy
12. lights - they all white! white xenon lights!
13. paint - mett silver for the linings, metallic galaxie blue .. damn
14. gothic chic! - if i can find one who is nice and understanding and likes me for me and is not out for my money and wont drain my blood while i sleep ..and .. and ... and ...

I estimate this whole project will run me around RM60-70K... hopefully .. i aint spendig anything more than that ... fucks ...

2004-06-14T00:47:00.000+08:00

hallop! how are all my disgruntled readers? me? thank you for asking .. im feeling super thanks for asking. so whats new this time round. i was actually trying to blog a few nights back ..but i couldnt get on line. how fun is that. so fuck it. tuesday night was insane .. i mean afternoon was insane... i shared 2 bottles of vodka with a mr.jason... i was my first day at work and i was feeling emotionally fucked. so anyways .. we finished the first bottle in around an hour. he was drinking with his orange juice mixer whilst i was drinking it by 1 peg glasses and having beer as a assistant. so we started at 5.30pm. and everyone ran away from the bar when the bottle came out .. the rest was like a very version of scarface when pacino came out with the huge ass commando riffle and grenade launcher. i went into hyperventilation, pupils dialated, still drinking, head was spinning and felt like it was being pounded by a jack hammer .. all this adventure started at 5.30 to 10pm. bapak rock came in to talk me down .. was sobbing shitless bcos of my demised and doomed situation. and .. ... i was .. .. .. i couldnt remember what happened next. all i remember was being driven home. next morning i wake up with swollen eyes, a cramped up chest bcos of hypervent-ing ... a jaw that was hurting and my stomach was like raw .. ribs were like punched out .. etc etc etc ... i had no hangover surprisingly. i was feeling normal... so i go out and i get reports of me throwing up, throwing ketchup at jason, playing badly in pool, verbally assaulting cibai customers(who are damn cibai) .. etc ... and i think my old man took a swing at me when he graciously received me through the door shitfaced and drunk. so thats why i have a fucked up jaw and fucked up set of ribs... my stomach is still fucked till today. and i have been having migraines everynight. havent touched any alchohol since then.

2004-05-26T02:13:00.000+08:00

lets just say the weeks have taken its toll on me. i am surrounded by cowboys and cowgirls. yes, everyone has problems. well ..so do i.. you bastards! anyways taking up french classes soon. so i be blabbering in french in a couple of months .. hopefully .. my friend biu-ie the kid crashed his car this morning. thus rudely awakening me at 8am. the time which i prefer to have my eyes shut and my mind wondering in the endless abyss of morpheus's plains. i hear that his car is pretty fucked up. and you know whats pretty fucked up as well? TROY! like i said and will always say ... its a CHIC FLICK! too many pretty boys in the movie. and for you girls who do not agree ... you are in denial... the movie was totally off historically. i rather be watching a Carpenters video then be going through it again. anyway, should have gone to see Shrek 2. i loved shrek 1 ... i think it should crack me up like the first one. actually the only complaints and grieviences i have these few weeks are that i havent been working - at all. damn .. my contractors are coming over tomorrow to do up my room. and i hope to do it up nicely so that next time i return to pigland .. i can keep myself locked up in the basement. my pad ... my solace ... my place ... ahhhhhh .... its gonna have everything i need ... sofa .. tv...fridge ... me bed ... me comps .. me streamyx .. its going to be all me .. lazy to write anymore .. cibai .. so till next time ...

2004-05-14T13:15:00.000+08:00

well hellooo everyone. FUCK OFF! im disgruntled. thats why i am here. genting and kl was a blast. party party party ... thats all i knew for the last couple of days. aways from all my mary fucking problems. but of cos when i reach pigland... im greeted by the cowboy society..."ooo ..i have sooo many problems ...." well - FUCK YOU! when is a SPM SAP holder is too qualified to work in a private hospital? explain that shit to me? OVER FUCKING QUALIFIED?!?!?! im a degree holder i must be GOD! cibai ... fucking liar! fucking cokcnocking suck tart. then i get an obese fuck stalking me. and its a guy! cibai! how gay is that. tiu nei lou mo! cant take it ... tiu nei lou mo!!!! ARRGGHGHGHGGH!!!!! tiu tiu tiu ... fuck fuck fuck~!!! he calls me everyday. asking me stupid ultraman quetions. like where do i go to spray my car? where do i go to eat? wanna join me for coffee?? at fucking 8AM!!!! WTF! WHO THE FUCK DRINKS STARFUCKS AT 8AM when im still in fucking dreamland with some hot chic of my dreams ..will get to that later ....heheh .... tiu nei lou mo!!!! ... he is so farking obese that he cant sit on a normal chair and close his legs. fucking thighs put the michellin man out of a job! SO FARKING FAT!!!!! and he tell me at lunch that he wants to go to the gym to loose some pounds ... like i think he should go loose the cow he just ate.... fucking OBESE PRICK! sick ... and after giving me his fantasy of loosing weight ... he chows down 1 big char koay teow, 1 wan thun mee ... 1 ice kacang ... 1 kopi peng ... and for desert some nonya kuih ... loose weight? loose my fucking gonads!!!! fucking FAT ASS PRICK!!!! STALKING PUKI MA CHAU CIBAI FAT OBESE COCKNOCKING BASTARD!!!!!!! FAT BASTARD!!!!!! wherever i go he will put a chair next to me,.... tried and proven yesterday.... the table was full of other friends ... i just want to say ... BE A FUCKING INDIVIDUAL!!! and he gots that cibai annoying laugh as if he got a poker up his fat celulite ass! he is like a fucking old walrus!!! he is just so fucking annoying ... not saying anything but he just too clinnggy ... and the dude is attached! like WTF! figure that one out.... 400pound non neck cocknocker .... thats what he looks like ... and that fucking annoying laugh ... thinks its cute ... its like a psycho nutcracker screen play ... if you could only hear it ... god forgive me as im going to gut that guy ... PUKI MAK CHAU CIBAI! CHAU BOK KHENG TELETUBBY SUCK ONA CABDY STICK AND GET DIABETES ...ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC .... ARRRGGGHGHHHHHHHHHHHH....TIU NEI LOU MO!!!!!!!!

2004-05-07T22:21:00.000+08:00

currently in genting... sitting in starfucks waitting for capN mel to fin work. working on a fucked up maxis wifi line that keeps disconnecting. and maybank helpline are fuck tarts. told me that the money in my account never existed. like WTF! giving people heart attacks. damn cibai. now i remember why i dont go genting - the drive up is shit! gave me a headache. and i see that those who read my review on perlis was quite intrigued by my all so "lonely planet" style review. thanks a bunch my readers! now go back to work and find something to do ....

so far in genting - bad journey. bad wifi line. no chics. freaks all over the place. i see people wrapped up as if its -2C. its just fucking <25C for fucking gods sake. and i see ah bengs in singlets! i mean it aint that cold, but it is to a certain extent. like WTF! bet you the fucker has the brain the size of a cashew nut. "look at me im cool! im not afraid of the cold! im macho!" - oh man, like yeah rite. bet your nuts are as blue as the stained glass in rome. cocknocker.... the staff canteen was like a prison canteen. bad ass looking dudes everywhere. first thing that came to mind was Metallica singing Saint ...umm ... something ...you know the one they did in the prison shit... anyways, food not bad. okays, it was for surviving purposes. no complaints. and the people who come to starfucks are just bunch of fuck'os. they come up with all that american accent thing and start saying things like "whes der tway ah?" "gween corour wan ah?" like fucks. if i was working there id be spitting blood. okies - exxagerating again. probably take 5 and laugh my ass off then humiliate them in public. ahhh ..

so review on genting in the next blog .... pleasetake time to review it and comment in the tag board.

hold it! there is a fat chic with gold mohawk hair! betcha its a butch! sick shit ... good ...can keep my high sex drive down....hahaha .... and i notice that malaysians also damn kiasu.... theres 3 people at your table ... why would you want 5 papers cups for? are you a fucking magician? you gonna do a trick for us? sheeessshhh ... agro ...

2004-05-05T11:12:00.000+08:00

its supposedly the first day of work today... and im not at work. looking at my msn messenger i guess "super hot" also not working. she was complaining about work today and how she dont have much sleep. i woke up at 9am, even knowing i aint going to work today. what is wrong with me? so many things going through my mind. really need to smoke a spliffy soon. (latest update: super hot is at work. just logged on... haha) anyways ... after having the dinner gathering at my place. i feel that cooking is a good way to channel my frustration. CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! ...arrgghh!!! ... but overall the dinner was success.

the menu was:
pork loins in cream of asparagus sauce (babi is da bomb!)
egg with caviar (caviar is a luxury we have ... blah blah blah)
wine (E&J Sauvingon 2002 - surprisingly very very nice light and dry)
mash (with sauce - just awesome)
garlic bread (from Giant - very packed with butter and garlic!)

2004-05-01T16:36:00.000+08:00

Disgrun+ledFurni+ures Travel and Adventure

Location: Perlis Indera Kayangan. Right under Thailand, too up north of Peninsula Malaysia. So you now know its such an anal state to be in.
Population: based on my forecasting capabilities and observation skills at KFC - i think less than 5000 people and cows and sheep(they have fucking sheep there! those that you shave for clothing!) and monkeys and etc ...
Ethnic Groups: What the Fuck do you think?!?
What the Malaysia Goverment has to say about Perlis:
Tahun 2003-2005 adalah Tahun Melawat Perlis! And thats about it. Who the fuck advertises this slogan in their own state only? have you seen this posters anywhere else in other states? I travel so much and i dont. I guess its bcos the goverment is ready to denounce Perlis as a part of Malaysia bcos its infested with Thai-Speaking-Malays. Nothing to do with racism here people. Just that you sit in a gerai, you see the usual scene of pakcik and makcik and budak celakas everywhere drinking coffee and all ... but your ears are hearing Thai. Like your heads totally confused. No one gives a shit about this state.
Places of Interests: ...thinking here... There is no mall, no 7-11, no 24 hours joints, no bars, no clubs, no instant cold beer, no McDonalds .. etc ... (post questions on places you think might be there on the tagboard.) and KFC is like fucking TGIF or American Chillis in Perlis. It is so fucking packed every night. Imagine ... the awesome power of KFC! there is ayamas there ... i asked for half a black pepper chicken and the girl went like "are you sure mr.?" look. now that scared the shit out of me. had it anyway - was okay. i think it was a facial expression syndrome when talking to people.
Hotels: in the town of Kangar there is only one 3 Star hotel called the Putra Palace. what about the 2 star or 1 star hotels? Bcos these isnt any dumbasses! theres only one 3 star hotel there. the rest are shit hole motels like the Federal. And its always fully booked. i wonder why ....
Chic count in Perlis: 0

Overall Rating of Perlis in Disgrun+ledFurni+ures Travel and Adventures:
"... a whooping 0.1/10..." Bcos it had Padang Besar as part of the state and it was right at the Thai border.

2004-05-01T16:35:00.000+08:00

my schedule in perlis for the past week:

day 1:
go to work, check in to motel called Federal Hotel(see the part of denial the owners of this establishment). look around the town of Kangar - finish doing that in 30 minutes. yes it is a very small state. went to sleep in the creaky bed. looked for switch to turn off the lights - could not find it. still went to sleep

day 2:
go to work. driving alot around perlis. went to padang besar. was invited to go have lunch just after hadyai. supposedly good tom yam. agreed - was actually hoping to buy replica BB gun. drove right past those shops into a small one road town. tom yam was goods-ah. sluping tom yam watching hummers driving through town. hear gun fire from many M-16s. Shop owner tells friend that there is a riot going on a few kilometers away. pay the bill and jump into our jeep. road is very jammed. see injured soldier in a stretcher(assumed he was shot). we are still stuck in jam. me nuts are in me throat. realise that gun fire is very near - we were getting strays coming our direction. nice army personnel in hummer drives up next to us to take fire. god bless those hummers. managed to cross border in the end. was very glad. and there were many thoughts going through my head. dont ask what. my life didnt flash right past me. it was stuff about people and work schedule. finish work, go back motel. think about today. got very emo about stuff. depressed. im alone and no one cares about me comes right in. still looking for light switch to turn off lights - still cannot find. smoke alot and sleep.

day 3:
go to work again. drive alot again, damn road are pissing me off. went to padang besar to chill out again and share stories about nearly getting shot. dodging bullets and all. sound like war veterans ... muahaha ... went out to lunch at the border again. (we never learn our lesson do we...hehe... i guess we just needed more war veterans materials to talk about). thai border patrol greeted us as usual. showed us Peace sign holding his M16. smiled back and wished i was the one carrying the assault riffle. we stayed at border as our thai ODB compadres said in thai which i presumed this is what he said, "kanasais, you malaysians are fucking crazy. you want to get your asses shot off? anyway there some nice tom yam soup around the corner. want young girl thai massage? cheap! cheap! you friend mah - tell you no lie!" or it could be "fuckers are nuts! want young girl? very dangerous now, you know? want young girl? here also got nice tom yam around the corner. want young girl? i think you better stay here brudder. want young girl? super hot! cheap! cheap! tell you no lie!"

so anyways, we had some good food with our thai compadres. good food man! tell you no lie! went back - didnt get to buy BB gun. very sad. drove back hotel. continue looking for light switch - still cannot find the fucking switch. WTF! went to sleep anyway.

day 4:
went to work again and again (like whats new). of cos we went to the most happening part of perlis. PADANG BESAR! reach there and started sharing war stories with the officers we didnt meet the previous day. blah blah blah .... went to lunch near station. on the way back see a fucked up accident. thai lady on bike. some moron felda guy in a jeep pulling over to stop and opens door. lady on bike hits the door and goes flying in the air. hits the floor and tries to get up. and like in the movies - she gets run over by a 18ft tailer. squashed. threw up lunch. like what you expect me to do?! went back to station - was laughed at by fellow frens for throwing up. damn cibai fellers. no wonder they cant work for the UN or WWF, saving botswanians or pandas. fuckers all fucked. bet you they would tie down a botswanian and a panda on the road and run them over with a 18ft trailer. hmm ... i wouldnt do that. i would just like cattled prod the panda and get it all pissed off and throw in the botswanian into the cage with the enraged and disgruntled choobi panda! Go PANDA! cant say the botswanian gave the panda a black eye eh ... nvm.

drive back to pigland. took the scenic route based on a dumbass officers directions. i bet you he just wanted me to take that route. he said "3km sahaja dah sampai highway" yeah rite motherfucker - he meant 50km - 3km baru sampai highway. so you can imagine me driving alone on this unknown stretch of new highway. now that was the shits! listening to light and easy (air supply going "im all out of love .. what am i without you ..." )feel like driving into a coconut tree and hope it falls on a pakcik derhaka who is making homevideos of his grand daughter/son his head. those haji pervs .... tsk tsk tsk ... anyways lazy of typing this shit... oh yeah ... to fin it all off ... reach pigland .. ran to a club and got drunk. then drove home. i was very much deprived of entertainment in perlis if you read between the lines. later i will talk to you about the state of perlis. till then ...

2004-04-23T02:35:00.000+08:00

im really pissed again. i feel like torturing people and animals. and the things that come to mind are things i would like to do to the person who comes up to me and tell me how bad their life is and how everyone has it better than them. fuck you! i got my own shit problems too. i aint saying mine is the worse - but fuck you for putting and sharing your shit ass problems with me which i dont need. you know the classification of these people - "COWBOYS". always im the only one in the world riding my horse into the sun all alone and everyone is out to get me. well fuck you cocknockers. i got my own shit problems so do the other people around you. lets start what i would like to do to them whining cowboys...

"strip the motherfuckers down to their underwear and put them in a nice freezing vat of salt water. then after 15min, tie him up in a chair and place him in a 2 x 5horsepower airconditioned 25'x25' room all pitch dark with black walls. then make the fucker watch several ghot movies in the dark with the fullblast of the 2 aircons. then switch off the tv leaving him in the dark for 24 hours with the sound of water dripping in an adhoc manner. then drag the fucker to a steam bath room and lock him in there for 4 hours before throwing him into the same vat of freezing salt water. then same thing in the room i will string him upside down and inflict the 1001 paper cuts all over the body. then again ... sprinkle fine salt all over him and also salt water. dont forget ..you have to wake him up if he ever passes out. to finish it off so he doesnt bother other people anymore - break his knee caps and give him a good beating with a bat. do again wake him up if he passes out. to dispose of the cowboy, i would string him up budnaked in the center of the city road.

wah .. i damn agro this round. so to all you cowboys .. fuck off. stressed about your life ... go to my links and try out the "after the cliffs of dover" cocktail. increase the actifad amount. does wonders.

2004-04-08T02:39:00.000+08:00

Its been a long day today. Been working from 8am to 2am. Fucking tired. Too tired to sleep. The last two days has been weirder than ever. I got a colleague who is blaming me for screwing him up. Really acting like a bitch. And I dont even know why or what he is pissed off at me for. Fucker! Typical ma-chan attitude coming out. This weekend is Tiesto, was looking forward to it. But after going through this shit for the past 48 hours, I feel like crap. The job doesnt seem to do it for me anymore. And going through the past postings... I feel like crap. Today is the "I feel like crap thinking of me" day. This is the first company which I have sticked to longest. The rest were like yearly. 2003 blew right past me. And it seems like 2004 is doing the same. Scared of wasting this year. I have not much to talk about 03, didnt do much. Nothing worth mentioning except all the depressive shit. I wish 2004 would be different. Im scared. I asked myself about where you headed to in 03 - i didnt know. I was lost. Im never usually lost. Loosing the drive to work and do anything. Its April and Im so los+. No direction. The worse thing is that the only thing I can be proud of is blurry. My career is blurry. My love life is going nowhere. Every morning I wake up without a purpose. And mostly too lazy to go to work. Not the usual me actually. This is just too fucked up. Got to get something done about this. Havent been drinking much. Smoking alot. Alot of headaches. Very lonely. Very depressed about everything. Finding it hard to talk to people about this. Very uncomfortable. Sigh ... Guess end of the day its down to me. Alone again ...

2004-04-04T14:08:00.000+08:00

Lets see ... last night was a dozer. Our expected super stars did not appear. Why? Vino swirler was in recoup from some cock operation which he says he had a titanium plate inplanted into his leg because of some soccer shit accident. i bet you fell off the bed while jacking off. The other poseur said he was on the way but never appeared. Why? Easy there wasnt any pussy he wanted. If i had told him some taiwanese chic was there ... he would be there in an instant. fucking APS! i mean who isnt APS. but there is always a limit to everything. everyone horny and all. but like i said there is a limit. anyway last night just felt worn out. dunno why! dont ask or wonder. cos i dont know it myself. according to cap'N Mel its bcos we didnt drink enough beer. you cant start and just jump off the beer wagon. felt really weird. so whats the deal now adays .. im getting bored of things. sleep sounds good. but i dont want to sleep. but it feels weird when everyone is asleep at 5am and yo ujust wanna go out and chill. fuck following days appoinments. (holy crap! i just noticed i just typed my FUCK word for the day! Hurrah! Go ME!) today is cheng-beng... day of the dead crappy thing. I had to clean out six weed ridden graves. and i aint talking about electric grass cutters! i was like a bangla cutting grass on my knees. cut cut cut cut ... snip snip ... at one point i felt like a miniature barber cutting some giants hair ... hold it ... it sounds wrong when i come to think of it. fuck you notty minded people. anyways, it was fucking hot! real hot. Me pa said... i did such a good job .. he wants me back here next year to be the bangla again. Fuck that... next year i bringing in the BASTA500! kill em weeds and burn em out! enuff moaning and groaning about cheng-beng. back to my opinion on stupid people in newspapers.. the kid that got beaten to death by his "rakan-rakan" ... you seen his pic? i mean you know what a rat he was. i bet you he is one of em teachers pet that rats out on everyone. fucking assholes! you know he fucking deserved the beating. death .. well ... fuck that shit lets just crucify the bastard! those "rakan-rakan" of his just wasted too much time and strength on that prick. they should have just slid his wrist and tied his hands (gagg the fucker of cos) and just leave him in some closet to dry out. so my trusty rakan-rakans .. remember not to waste your strength on the rats ... use BASTA500!!! it does the trick too...

2004-04-03T21:41:00.000+08:00

Didnt do much today but to wash my car. And it was a real task. Now i know why those deng dengs complain when i pay them to wash me car. fuck fuck dirty man. and i made my mom watch 25th hour. In case you fuck'os havent watch it. well you should. its fucking good. if one day i stop saying the word "fuck" - it would be the end of the world. seriously man .. fucking end of the fuck fuck world. and i heard from a friend, scorpios are freaking notty. if you get what i mean. notty like me pug. i miss that fat ass pug that used to live with me in me apartment. wonder how fat the fucker is now. Stinkee the Pug was a great friend. He gave you all the attention you needed after a long fucked up days work. And he never said anything back or tried to advice you when you were cursing the neighbours. i mean his attention was cheap - just a roll of oreos. muahah .. or tying him to the door knob. aint going anywhere is he. anyway, clean car mean it had to fucking rain. rain rain go away come again some other day... blah blah blah ...(thinking of something fucked up to say) ...blah blah blah blah ... oh yeah we is going to meet the two poseurs of the yuppie world. more like the GUPPY world. guppy ... their mouth just keep on opening and shutting ... and shits like all around them. fuck fuck basket case. swirl the vino and you just gulp it down. HURRAH! a new interesting method of tasting and reaching climax in drinking wine. next time i will teach them how to snort coke in style... stick a straw up their ass to their nose. at the base of the pipe near the rectum is the coke... all he needs to do is fart hard enough so the coke shoots up to his nostril. HURRAH! snort in style.... Go me! PunjabiMC beat that! ... blonde travolta is cool. now i will write a poem.... if you ever meet me ... ask me to recite it at bangsar actors studio. make sure you got the lazer light show going on too. lots of bass when i say "FUCK FUCK!@~!"

let the feeling of stylo milo to kick in ...

"i woke up this morning
the morning sun woke me up
i hate the fucking morning sun
the morning sun is playing fuck fuck games with me
my washer lady is a nosy bitch
i wish i shot her and dumped her in a ditch
my laundry is piling up
maybe i need a southern comfort to pep me up
hurrah! go me ... i need to wash my car today .. (oh did that already)
lets just make ma watch 25th hour over and over til the washer lady is dead"

soon to come pics on broken furniture and my middle finger.

2004-04-02T21:36:00.000+08:00

Guess what... 2 fucking postings in one day! This is from Cap'N Mels pc. Anything interesting for the past few hours? Nope. Hold it ... went to dinner and the ah beng chinese newspaper seller shouted in my ear while i was slurping down me noodles. "Khong Beng?!?!?!" ... I aint fucking deaf. Oh yeah and there was this cocknocker malay student who was arrested for stealings his friends cell. So the cops are like questioning him downstairs and the kids crying. They were at it for like 5 minutes. Then they soon finally found out the kid was deaf and dumb. BEAT THAT! deaf and dumb kid in a normal dorm. And explain to me why the news papers always put "Seorang pelajar telah dibelasah hingga mati oleh rakan-rakan." How the fuck can they be his rakan rakan when they fucking beat him to death? Thats why i dont have many close friends ... i beat them to death. Dont blame me ... blame society and their creative writting skills. Its like says its not that haneous to shoot a guy(killing him) compared to slashing him(killing him) in Amsterdam. Human Rights and Ethics. What a load of crap. You know why people always complain about the issue of law? Its the smart-ass dandy candy sludge dripping out of their mouth lawyers. Two words .. FUCK THEM! i dont like lawyers. 80% are a bunch of them are always talking about cock. Cock .. like the cocks infront of the kampung shacks. Anyway, I got to go. fuck you lawyers and supporters. I like doctors ... they give me lots of MCs. My boss says I should have a Medical Degree by now with all the MCs I have taken. Why? What does MCs stand for ... Medical Certs? Damn I should have a PhD by now. So anyway to the junkies and mokeys out there ... down with dope up with hope ... and the pope doesnt smoke dope. Maybe alittle weed.... ahhhh the sweet smell of chiba ..... ahhhhh .... toke toke ... coff coff ....

2004-04-02T14:13:00.000+08:00

Its a Friday! Hurrah! You all know what that means ... i aint explaining it. Called it a half day today. Why? Because i CAN! damn bored at work. damn police hq has no power supply. what the fuck fuck place. Anyway listening to the officers gossip about the place. Seems that when they built that place they found some dead burried bodies there ... some indon lady and etc. blaming that on the frequent power outages, better that way ... so they dont blame my system. Fuckers! been clubbing alot ... not sleeping much except yesterday... nearly got hit by a fucking trishaw on the way to the bar, old wanker must be high on syabu. Hanging alot at the narcotics department ... looking at all the parents, relatives, boyfriends and girlfriends and lawyers waitting to talk to theirrespective OKT. (Orang Kena Tangkap). oh ... and i know what POLIS means ... "Pasai Orang Lain I Susah" ... some cop told me ... fucking funny... now those fuckers are a bunch of disgruntled workers. No wonder they all fucked up to a certain extent. Lets see whatelse ... theres nothing ... light and easy radio is cool ... so many good oldies ... and ... nothing else ... fucking off ... laters